Our deepest fear
When I started to turn my attention inward and began to study my thoughts, patterns and belief systems I realised that I am afraid of my own light and power. And I discovered the uncountable tools and mechanisms that I have – unconsciously – established in order to make sure that I keep myself small. Marianne Williamson puts in her poem “our deepest fear” so beautifully into words what I discovered.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
I would like to continue and say: It is our power, not our weakness that most frightens us. It is happiness, not sadness that most frightens us. It is abundance, not lack that most frightens us. It is love, not fear that most frightens us. It is life, not death that most frightens us.
These words have proven to be so right for me. I brought thought after thought, pattern after pattern and belief system after belief system to the surface that were born from and fed by this fear. And I transformed them allowing myself more and more to step into my power. To embrace happiness. To invite abundance into my life. To choose love and trust. To feel more and more alive.
Emotions give hints for growth
What helped me in this process was the understanding that emotions such as anger, depression, fear and hatred are like arrows that point to patterns or belief systems that can be transformed.
What was stressful for me?
When ever I feel an emotion like this I know that I went into darkness because I am afraid of the light. I then ask myself: Which situation was stressful for me? Which situation was too intense? Was there too much happiness? Too much fulfilment? Too much connection with myself? Too much love? Did I show up and was seen and heard? Did I speak up for myself? Did I express myself freely? Did I let my light shine?
I might discover that the situation that was stressful for me was the moment when I expressed myself freely. The moment I opened my heart and I allowed other people to see me. Naked. Vulnerable.
Why was it stressful for me?
I then ask myself: Why was this stressful for me? And the answer might be “because it is dangerous to express myself”. Is this really true? This might have proven true in the past. It might be that this belief has kept me safe in the past. But does it still hold true for now?
Releasing old beliefs
I might come to the conclusion that it is now safe for me to release that old belief. And I start encouraging myself to release all restrictions and express myself freely.
Choosing positive affirmations
Whenever I observe that I go into darkness because I am afraid of expressing myself I tell myself: “I allow myself to express freely and creatively. It is safe to be me.”
It is like choosing to listen to another song. For years I listened to the song that talks about how dangerous it is to express myself. Now I just push the forward button and listen to the “it is safe to be me” song. What a delight!
Stepping into the light
It is my fear that keeps me small. My thoughts. My belief systems. Thoughts can be changed. Belief systems can be changed. I can move out of the tangle of fear-thinking. I can free myself and step into my own power. It is a process which has to be done with patience and love. Because all these belief systems are there for a reason. They might have served me in the past. So no need to judge them. I let them go with love and respect.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I think the same is true for happiness, joy, fulfilment, abundance. It is all there. We just have to step out of the darkness and allow ourselves to receive it.